Glimmers
by ShoeGalK
Summary: I saw no more glimmers of light in the water. No more hope. I stopped trying to stay afloat. I lay back, closed my eyes under the moon and let the water have me, I gave myself to despair." AH. BxE. M for dark themes.
1. Prologue

Night had fallen upon the lake. Surrounded by trees, and dark, and wilderness, I was brought to my knees on the pier., motionless. I couldn't bring myself to move, my thoughts keeping a silent grip on me, binding me to the spot. My eyes took in my surroundings, but my body didn't move. Beautiful. It was beautiful out here.. The moon was shining bright and full in the sky, as if casting a spell over the lake. The rows upon rows of tall green trees stood proudly, unwavering, shrouded themselves in darkness except for stray glimmers of moonlight which atop. It was quiet, maybe even peaceful some might say. The sound of the water could even be considered calming to most, I wasn't sure what it felt like to me.

I wasn't sure of anything anymore.

_The sun had shone so bright that afternoon. So bright that when I felt the heat fall upon my face, its warmth had brought me hope. Hope for something.. anything. Leaning my head back, seeking out the sun, I held my gaze upon its bright light. I remember the heat, the light. Forcing my eyes to stay open until it became a battle, it was so bright. Blinding. My eyes filled with water, but I held my gaze. I felt purpose in that moment, as if there were answers behind the sun's flames that would quell my inner self. Hope. I didn't know what it was I was hoping for, but I wanted to feel. I had to feel. Something.. anything. I tried to hold on, to see the light, to feel it's warmth. I did, for a what seemed an eternity, until my eyes stung and I couldn't see anything but white. I wasn't sure how long I stared, but slowly the sun crawled behind the trees, leaving me, alone, again._

_No answers, no hope, nothing, no light, no dark. Nothing. There was nothing. I felt.. nothing._

The moonlight was making the water sparkle, flecks of light in the vast darkness. The light crashing of the soft waves against the pier the only sound. Still rooted to wooden slats of the pier, I sat, on my knees. My knees were numb. I was numb. _How did I get here? How did I end up this way? _Numb, empty. Nothing.

So there I knelt, as if silently praying to some God in the sky for answers. For something.. _Anything_ to take this feeling away. The moon was still so bright, but the feelings coursing through my body were dark, there was nothing bright about me. So dark. I wanted the darkness to take me. Swallow me whole, so I couldn't feel. I felt my heart pound hard, as though it was about burst through my chest if it went any faster. The weight on me felt so heavy, it was crushing me. I could hardly breath. Panic. Despair. I couldn't stand it, there were cries in the air now, so loud, terrifying, they sent chills down my body. They were coming from me. Tears running down my face, I wasn't in control anymore. I rose from my knees, stumbling as I stood, the numbness in my feet the only part not consumed with pain.

My pain was real, I could feel it coursing through my body, I hurt, my whole body hurt, it ached. The deafening pound in my chest unbearable, I wanted to rip my heart out just so I wouldn't feel this way anymore. The despair had claimed me, claimed my body, my mind. I had nothing. I was nothing.

The moon was low, I remember. I knew what I wanted. What I needed. The pain could stop. It _would_ stop. I lowered myself into the water.. I didn't flinch when the cold water enveloped my feet, my legs, my waist. It calmed me. Soothing. I walked towards the moon. I would have my answers, I would find my peace.. I couldn't find it in the light, I will find it in the dark. I paddled out, fixing my gaze upon the moon. I let myself float in the water, my heart was no longer pounding, the sobs had stifled. The pain was still there, in my heart, deep inside. I couldn't feel the ground below me any longer. I saw no more glimmers of light in the water. No more hope. I stopped trying stay afloat. I lay back, closed my eyes under the moon and let the water have me, I gave myself to despair.


	2. The Awakening

**So, here's the first chapter of my little story.**

**I was worried that the Prologue came out a little fragmented, but I think it works with Bella's character, she's confused, her mental state is a bit fragile.. So yeah.**

**Oh! I am in desperate need of a Beta, seeing as I have no clue what I'm doing -so if you're interested in listening to the ramblings of a messed up woman (both Bella's character and me) then please, give me a shout.**

**I'm not ashamed to say it brought a tear to my eye when I got my first review - thank you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Twilight, I'm just borrowing their names.**

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**Chapter 1: The Awakening**

The light shone brightly, so bright that I could only see white. I was warm, it must have been the sun again. I remembered how brilliantly the last sun had shone, its heat radiating warmth through my body, through my soul. It didn't feel the same as it did before, I was warm and I could only see the bright light, but it wasn't the same. The heat of the sun didn't permeate my soul, I didn't feel its entire warmth envelope me whole. Struggling to open my eyes, I was suddenly unaware of where I was, I tried to remember.. _What had happened? _

My whole body was heavy, I felt weak. The battle between my mind and my body worsened, I wrestled with myself, trying to open my eyes, but my eyelids seemed to weigh down on the top of my cheeks. I was lying down flat, on something soft - I could feel that much. I wanted to move - but my body was resisting. I could feel the panic starting to rise in my chest, I was itching to move, it was like my body was on fire with the need. The battle continued with my eyes, but still.. Nothing, nothing but the white glow.

I should have been able to open my eyes, to stand upright and make my body move, out of this shell which encased me, which held me still. No, my body wouldn't move. It wouldn't respond, it was betraying me. With a final sigh, I gave up - I didn't have it in me to fight anymore, I'd lost that a long time ago. No longer trying to open my eyes, no longer trying to move, the darkness took me once again..

_The clouds looked over the white house, and rain appeared imminent. It wasn't dark outside, not yet, but there was no trace of the sun to be seen. Just clouds, and green. Lots of green. _

"_No daddy! I want to stay with you" The tiny girl cried and clung to her father's jacket. He lifted her up and wrapped his strong arms around her, trying to soothe her endless cries._

"_Honey, you have to go with your mommy, you'll see me real soon kiddo, I promise" The girl stopped her pleas and wiped the tears away from her big brown eyes, her face softened but the sadness was still there. It was evident in her eyes. The man placed a loving kiss atop her mess of tangled chestnut hair and held her in a tight embrace. The girls arms reached around his neck and you could tell she was holding on for dear life, their love was so overwhelming, so real. Their embrace lasted for only a few minutes, but it seemed like a lifetime - neither of them wanting to let go, but they did, eventually. The man smiled, soft and sad, the laughter lines creasing around his mouth. Sensing the departure that was to come, the girl nestled her face into deep blue of his jacket one last time before she was set to the ground._

"_Go get your mom kiddo" he knelt down at the girls side, smiling still. His dark hair, once slick in place, now straying in all directions. His eyes looked like glass. Delicate, like if he said one single tear, he would be destroyed. The girl looked at him sadly before whispering something into his ear. "I love you dad". _

"_I love you too Bells"_

_She ran down the tired old steps from the house, and onto the grass and into the arms of a patiently waiting woman. The woman's brown eyes held the gaze of the man's, something indescribable between them, meaning behind the stare, a mixture of sadness, pity maybe, finality. Her eyes slowly cast down to the ground as she bent to lift the little girl up. She brought her close to her chest and held her tightly, shushing the girls tender cries. _

_Soft drops of rain started to fall on the woman's face, and she knew it was time to go. With one last silent, melancholy, glance at the man on the porch, she walked to the waiting car and put her daughter in the backseat. The girl saw her mother turn to her father, before climbing into the driver seat herself, she noticed the uncomfortable way they looked at each other, her father's face a silent plea. Stay._

_The woman spoke, loud and clear, with a hint of sadness. "Goodbye Charlie"._

_Raindrops were falling on the man now too, his face defeated "Renee.." it came out nothing more than a whisper, but the woman heard it._

_The man could only watch as the car drove down the long street, and turned the corner. Rain soaking his hair, falling down his face, soaking through his clothes, weighing him down, he didn't move. Silent and still, the man stood, until the car was gone. Unable to tear her eyes away, the girl stared through the back window until long after her beloved father was out of sight._

I felt the warm, wet tears on my face as I awoke from the dream. I before I realised my body was finally co-operating with me, and that I could open my eyes. Suddenly I was pulled from my thoughts of the dream, of the heartache of that broken family, as I opened my eyes wide and tried to adjust to my surroundings. My eyes darted around the round, assessing where I was. Lights, actual lights, as in, on the ceiling sort of lights. They shone down upon me, causing my eyes to scrunch up involuntarily, too bright. The white walls were bare, but clean, there was a strange smell in the air, like a cross between bleach and old people. If old people even have a smell… I was in a bed, with silver railings at the side and I could hear a strange sound coming from a machine next to me. I should have realised that I was in a hospital much sooner. The smell was a dead give away. I hated hospitals, I always had. _Why was I in one?_

Before I had the chance to give this more thought a young nurse came into the room. She had kind eyes, and she greeted me with a large toothy smile.

"So look who's finally awake.." her smile grew even wider as she came closed to me, giving me the once over.

Words escaped me at this point, I didn't know where I was, or why I was here and yet this woman was smiling at me like she knew me, like she cared.

"Wha.. What happened?" was all I could manage to mumble in my confusion.

The nurse looked at me, with a strange expression on her face, I thought it looked like pity. "You don't remember?"

Clearly not. I didn't answer, instead I tried to search through her eyes, hoping to find something that she hadn't yet spoken. I continued scanning her face, looking for clues. She was young, and pretty, she had kind eyes.. And a soft smile, but none of this told me why I was here. Until she spoke "I think it's best I get the doctor, please, rest". With that she turned and walked out of the room.

My thoughts weren't coherent, I couldn't think straight, how had I ended up here? Was I sick? I wasn't sick. Not in any way that I would need hospitalisation, anyway. I tried to move myself to sit up straight, my arms felt heavy and the rest of my body felt like there were weights tied to my limbs, but I managed to pull myself up. I looked around the bare room and wondered how long I had been here, how long I had been asleep. Before my imagination took on a life of its own, the nurse returned to the room, this time bringing with her what appeared to be the doctor. Most definitely the doctor, the white coat gave it away. He too was smiling, I really didn't understand why they were both so happy.

"Welcome back. I'm Dr Cullen" he smiled, walking towards me. He pulled a seat from the side of the room and sat it beside the bed I was now residing in.

Finding this a little strange I shot him a bemused look, when were they going to tell me what was wrong with me? "What happened? Why am I here?" My voice sounded dry.

"You really don't remember why you could be here?" his soft voice travelled towards me.

I took in his face, he had golden blonde hair that was swept back from his face, he was middle aged, and he had the most endearing golden brown eyes, he was a very attractive man. "No.. I mean, I remember being outside, in the sun. At the lake."

Nodding solemnly, Dr Cullen looked upon me, he took a deep breath.. "That sounds about right. You were found washed up at the side of Ozette Lake, you were barely alive. A group of hikers found you whilst taking a respite, they were walking down on the rockery by the lake when they saw you. You sustained a few internal injuries, we suspect from the rocks. As well as that cut on your head."

My hand shot up to my forehead to feel my so called injury. There it was, it felt like a large cut, not that I could tell from the gauze covering it. It hurt to the touch. I didn't speak, I couldn't take it in, it was too much information.

He cleared his throat "It could have been a lot worse, you know. Not many people who fall in come back out. You're lucky to be alive" A small smile escaped his lips and his eyes lit up with his smile. His smile was genuine, and warming.

I had drowned. Maybe I'd fallen in that day, after looking at the sun. I'd been washed up at the side of the lake. I'd been rescued. Lucky to be alive he said.."H.. How long have I been here?" I managed to ask.

"You've been here for 3 weeks. We kept you sedated because of your injuries." He looked more serious now, his mouth moved, but no sounds came out. They moved again. "Do you remember anything before the accident?" His gaze landed briefly on my gashed forehead before meeting my eyes.

My brow furrowed, trying to remember.. "I remember being at the lake, sure"

"Do you know your name?" he asked me outright, as if without thinking his question through he added "You didn't have any identification with you, when you were found. We weren't sure if you had family we should call or.."

I quickly cut him off "No family. I don't have any family."

His face was expectant but not questioning. "And yes, I remember my name. Its Bella. Isabella Dwyer." I stated matter-of-factly.

Dr Cullen smiled, a small smile, but it was genuine. "I think we'll get you some CT scans to see how you're healing, to check you over" He turned to the nurse, "Angela, could you arrange a CT for Miss Swan here" he asked politely, and with a smile and a nod, the nurse.. Angela, left the room.

"I'm pretty sure I don't have amnesia.." I said, offering a small smile to the kind doctor and turned my eyes to my hands which were placed on my lap.

I heard a small laugh come from Dr Cullen. "I'm almost certain that you don't either Isabella, but we should make sure you haven't sustained any more injuries."

I felt myself shrug and whisper an "Okay"

"We'll keep you in for a few days to make sure you get some rest and then you'll be free to go home. Now, is there anyone you'd like us to call for you?"

Home. I could go home in a few days. Where exactly is home these days I wondered. The small apartment I had rented a few days before I got to Port Angeles most certainly didn't feel like home. From what I remembered it resembled something like an empty crack-den..

" - Isabella?" The doctor had risen from his seat now and was standing near the doorway.

"No, no one to call" I answered.

With that he smiled sadly and left the room, leaving me with my thoughts once more..

Slowly, I managed to get myself up and out from the bed, thinking back to the dream I had earlier. So vivid, so clear. I guess the reason it was so perfectly clear was because I remembered it like it was yesterday. It wasn't just a dream.. It was a memory. My memory. I was the girl with the tears running down her face, it was my father who looked broken, it was my mother who had driven us away and never looked back. It was fifteen years ago, and I still remembered every detail like it happened yesterday. Before that day, I had never known sadness, or longing. I shouldn't even have known it then, at 6 years old, I longed for my father. I wanted to stay with him.

I walked over to the window, the blinds were closed. I looked at the clock on the bare white wall, it was around 10:30 at night, it would be dark outside. Without even thinking, I opened the blinds, pulling the cord with all my weakened strength. The blinds crawled up slowly, revealing the dark night from the bottom of the window upwards. As the blinds retreated upwards, I could see the trees outside behind the dimly lit parking lot. The 'exit' sign for drivers leaving the hospital. The blinds continued upwards as I kept pulling on the cord until finally they would go no more. I let go of the cord and rested my palms on the window ledge, funny how my arms could be sore from pulling some stupid blinds opened. I looked outside, down at the parking lot - it was empty, apart from a few cars that no doubt belonged to the night shift. The trees were dark, a few specks of light came down on them. Specks.. Glimmers. It looked like glimmers of light on the trees, shining on the leaves where the rain had hit earlier in the day. They looked so familiar. I rested my elbows on the window ledge, and used my palms to rest my chin upon. I cast me head upwards to look at the sky. It was a clear night, no clouds in the sky- quite strange for Washington. I saw a few stars, they were bright against the darkness of the sky above the trees. I continued to look around outside, wondering how I failed to notice how bright and full the moon was tonight. It was beautiful, really.. Quite startling. It was so bright, such a contrast against the night sky…

I felt my breath catch in my throat, my heart started to pound deep in my chest. The moon, the glimmers. The water.. No, It couldn't.. I couldn't have. The trees in the darkness, the moon shining down on them.. It stirred my memory. The water, the cold water washed over me…

I remembered.


End file.
